Don Jeremy: for Jeremy Northam

PROLOGUE

'Tis pity learned virgins ever penned
Stanzas with no claim to ...rhyme or reason...uh...
sense or rhyme
(Or metrical consistency);the Preacher kenned
That "To every thing there is a season..."
But too much time the pensive poet spends
Scribblin' verse in hopes you'll find it pleasin'.
I'll cut this short to spare you...(and your sanity)
Ref Ecclesiastes 1: verse 2...( )

CANTO THE FIRST

I
"I need a hero!" She prayed for one Byronic.
Don Jeremy was an Englishman whose vigor
Had quite infectious charm: Rat-plague Bubonic
Felled fewer dames with faster mortis rigor
(At least, the little version) and those cthonic
Roman garden gnomes displayed no finer figure.
(Even pious maids pay private veneration
To those upright pagan gods of generation!)

II
She harnessed Lust and Vanity in tandem
And let Imagination hold the rein.
Her chariot of Thought careened at random
Until she could his character explain:
He wasn't like the rest of boring mandom.
Compared to him all other men were tame:
Mere ornamental gardens to a wild wood--
A fact no doubt explained by early childhood.

III
His parents prayed for stodgy Tory sons
Don Jeremy thwarted them at ev'ry turn
Though nightly he 'fessed all in thrilling orisons,
If forced 'twixt fire and ice he'd rather burn.
His days, when good, were rather like Jim Morrison's,
His nights would give an abbess aught to learn.
And though he aimed for purity monastic,
In practice his success was more stochastic.

To be continued...